Fighting Chances

Dec. 30, 2014, Jeff , Scott, and I go to my first oncologist appointment. It's a cold day. We head to the basement of Good Sam North, (figures that cancer treatment would be in the basement). We walk in and this black cloud of sadness and depressing air smack me in the face! What am I doing here anyway? I give the receptionist my name and as she is putting my info in to her computer I am thinking to myself, I want to be the one sitting behind that desk at the computer. Not the one signing in for future treatment.

 

I look around at the patients with hats and wigs and pale white to yellow colored skin. I want to turn around and run for the door. Such a somber place!

 

Finally I am called back to meet with the doctor. The nurse is sweet and tries to be funny, and normally I would oblige but not today. The room is small and smothering. I already know I don't want to be here.

 

The doctor comes in and she is nice but very business like. She seems to know her stuff. She questions me. I pretty much hear the same info I heard at Ohio state. Which is comforting that it lines up.

 

After the consultation the three of us walk out together and begin discussing a decision of where and who I will place my trust and care of my life to. Of course God holds that right and responsibility, but who am I going to allow Him to work through? I make my decision and walk away knowing it will not be here.

 

And so it is decided! Ohio State it is.

 

Just a few months ago I was doing a strenuous work out now I am going to be fighting for my life. How does that happen?

I look at people who are obvious unhealthy, their bodies don't seem to betray them as mine just has done!

 

What did I do to bring this on? Seem unfair. Life isn't fair, never was promised to be!

 

Normally the decisions I have to make about my appearance is; do I wear my hair down or do I put it up in a ponytail? Do I keep my same color or change it up? Layers or not?

My not so far away decisions could be wig or hat? What will my hair look like when it comes back in? Do I cut it short now or let it just come out?

While my hair is not priority over my life, it is still a major change I have to adjust to because I have this little monster in my body that just changed everything!

 

I have a been given a new perspective as I bring this mornings journal to a close: The news is full of the airliner that went down in the ocean.  Those people weren't given the opportunity to fight for their lives.  It wasn't the plan for them to play a part in their survival. God has given me that opportunity.  How can I be mad about that?